Well, everyone warned me and I guess now it's here. My perfect, sweet, angelic baby who slept perfectly for the first three weeks of his life has been replaced by a screaming, angry, bored child who can't decide if he wants to be held or left alone. Oh the joys of parenthood. :-)
He's becoming more of a baby and less of a newborn. As his nervous system develops and he becomes more aware of his discomforts and shows more of his irritability it's easy to think "I just want this transition to be over!" I just want to sleep. I just want a shower. I just want to brush my teeth...maybe even brush my hair. A pedicure and a tan seem like a far-off dream. Yes, this transition period is hard. Not only is Braxton transitioning into babyhood, but I'm transitioning into motherhood and realizing that now a little baby comes before even my most basic needs
right now. And I think those words "right now" are key and have helped so much with my attitude toward the last 72 hours. He won't always need me 24/7. One day he won't need me at all. As hard, as sleep deprived, as unclean I feel right now, deep down, I wouldn't trade this times and experiences for the world. As I'm up all night holding, rocking, singing to him, I think of how fast these days are going to pass. When I snuggle him and try to comfort him by holding him close, I think of the day when I try to give him a hug he'll roll his eyes and say "oh mom! stop!" When I kiss his screaming face I think of the day when I'll kiss his cheek at his wedding. When I sing the same lullaby for the 139th time that day, I think of the day where he'll rather listen to his ipod than my simple (and sometimes off-key!) songs. When I carry him around all hours of the night, I think of the day when he'll be taller than me and threaten to pick me up!
These days are hard and long, but they are priceless. He is going to grow up so fast and I'm going to look back and kick myself for wishing these moments away!