I've had two more very intense episodes of false labor since my 37 prenatal. The good news is, the contraction are working! I've made significant progress since my 36 week prenatal and all physical signs indicate that it won't be long before we get to meet little Kaden (even if I go until May 5, that's not very long!! Only 13 more days!!). The bad news is, all the false labor has started wearing me down mentally. The contractions start at 3 minutes apart, 1 minute in length. They are very painful and consistent in length for hours on end. It's hard not knowing for sure if this round of contractions is "the" round that will bring a baby, or if its just going to be another 7 hours of endless contractions. I never really experienced anything like this with Braxton (Tylenol always made contractions stop with him until I was in real labor. When I have these episodes, Tylenol doesn't do squat). I'm hearing more and more that it is not uncommon for second time moms to have more false labor. I'm also hearing that lots of my friends who have had ongoing false labor episodes have had shorter labors. I could definitely be ok with that!
I have to admit I woke up on Thursday feeling very discouraged. Since the minute the test turned positive, I had convinced myself to plan for the full 40 weeks of pregnancy. Sure it was fun to think about going early again, but I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment. Well, that mentality changed around 35 weeks when I started dealing with the false labor. I just wanted to be done and the thought of another early bird (Braxton came right at 38 weeks) was very appealing. Wednesday night I had another round of contractions that brought no baby. I had hit my 38 week mark and no baby. I was not a happy camper. I felt mopey and tired physically and mentally. Then God began to work in my heart.
Psalm 37:7 says "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him." I have not been waiting patiently on the Lord to bring my baby. I have realized over the last two days how much I like to be in control of everything in my life. I'm a huge planner/scheduler and I love it when things are running smoothly and according to plan...my plan. I think that is what is the hardest for me during this last phase of pregnancy. Barring induction or scheduled csection, you can't really plan when your baby will come. I know this sounds silly, but it's really something I've had to let go of, especially once 38 weeks came and went. Last night after a long wrestle with my sin nature, I surrendered my "time table" to God. Kaden is going to come when God wants Kaden to come and not a moment before. Whether that be tonight, at 40 weeks or at 42 weeks.
This morning I woke up and I felt happy - genuinely and truly happy. I'm still very pregnant and very uncomfortable, but it's amazing how when you let go of your plans and trust God to give you what is best, your whole attitude can change. It's also amazing how God uses things like pregnancy and motherhood to prune the ugliness in my life. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:40). Key to that verse is that my desires first and foremost have to be letting God do His work within my life. It's not "ok God, I'm filled with your joy today. Now can I please go into labor tonight? Thanks." There's nothing wrong with being a planner, but I need to always keep my heart ready to willingly and joyfully submit to God's desires for my life and not be mopey when His plan doesn't match mine. "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." (Provers 17:22)
Now I'm off to get my "pre baby" pedicure. I may not be able to see my toes, but I'm going to make sure they look cute! The pedicure is guaranteed to last 6 weeks so I figured I should for sure have a baby by then, right? :-)
